This Average Golfer Scooped By 6 Year Old.

The young man in the photo is Ian, my six year old nephew . I know, good looks run in the family. I'm his proud uncle with the golf blog that rants and raves ad nauseam. Ian's not much of a ranter or raver, but more of a doer. You see, Ian lives in southeast Florida, a wonderful location with lots of professional golf tournaments. His uncle lives near the Arctic Circle, where the golf season is measured in days. It so happens that the WGC-CA Championship came to Ian's general locale. My brother in law James, himself a certified golf nut, brought Ian to one of the early rounds. Fun, yes. Crowded, yes. Then a fortunate twist of weather fate provided the opportunity, a Monday finish. So, Ian and his dad returned to Doral to find that most of the spectators had gone home. They had the run of the place. An added bonus was the free admission. I've only had one free thing in my life. I won a puppy in eighth grade. Parents wouldn't let me keep it. It was raffled off again and won by my best friend. Back on track.....Ian, dressed in a red shirt and black shorts followed Tiger Woods as he completed his round. Thrill of a young lifetime.

Ian's had golf lessons. I had one golf lesson. The pro said he never had to say it before, but he couldn't help me. That might work to my advantage. If I ever get back down there, I wonder how many strokes Ian will have to give me. We could play for Legos.

A lifetime thrill for a wonderful young man. He's fortunate, as we all are, to live in the Tiger era and witness a rare talent. I wonder if he'll pass the story of that day down to his grandchildren.

Til' next,

Romero Wins Zurich Classic of New Orleans, Cink Screwed

Andres Romero posted an early score at the Zurich Classic of New Orleans and no one could catch him . The Argentine shot a 68 today for a 275 total to best Australian Peter Lonard by a stroke. Tim Wilkinson of New Zealand was the show horse, a stroke behind Lonard. Romero penciled his score almost two hours before the rest of the field. He reportedly watched a movie, had a lesson from his teacher, and slept while awaiting the verdict. Woody Austin "choked" on the 18th to blow any shot at a win or playoff. Woody carded a seven on the par four having gotten stuck in the rough. Choke was Woody's word, not mine. Romero gained a spot in the Masters for his effort.

Stewart Cink's tournament was over long before he realized it. While speaking with Zach Johnson about bizarre golf rules, Cink related how the day before he'd taken a stance in a bunker to hit a ball outside the bunker. The result was he hit into another bunker. He then raked the sand in bunker #1. That was his downfall. Golf's rules say he was testing the conditions in a hazard by doing so. After consulting with a rules official he DQ'd himself. Yes, nice move in keeping with golf's traditions, honor and all. Average golfer says he was a victim of one of the myriad stupid, inane, bullcrap rules that golf holds so precious. There's too many of them. If a professional golfer doesn't know if he broke a rule on the same day it occurred, how would we know? Golf's rules are written in Martian. They even have a book of rulings to explain the rules! Golf is difficult enough without dragging that chain around. Simplify the rules, everyone wins.

Bubba Watson apologized for his on course tantrum. Evidently, it was done in the scorer's tent immediately after his round. Bubba had gone off on Steve Elkington over movement during his set up and swing. Shegeki Maruyama witnessed. You see Bubba out drives his playing partners by so much that when he's setting up to his second shot they're walking to their third. Nice move on Bubba's part. Right thing to do.

The Masters is coming, The Masters is coming.

Til' next,

Baird Leads Zurich Classic, Stanford Leads at Safeway International

L.P.G.A.

Angela Stanford barely maintained her first round lead by a single, solitary stroke over Lorena Ochoa at the Safeway International. Stanford's spectacular opening round 62 pushed her ahead of the pack after yesterday's first round. Today the pack crept back. Ochoa's breathing down her neck after 65-67. Jee Young Lee is two back with a 134 total. Linked at 136 are Annika and Michele Redman. Again held at Superstition Mountain Golf & Country Club in Superstition Mountain, AZ, this tournament is shaping up to be the most watchable of the weekend. After carding a 62 and still only be leading by a stroke over Ochoa, Stanford must be scanning her rear view mirror. Being the defending champion here doesn't hurt Ochoa's chances either. Tune in to this one tomorrow. I've a feeling it will be won or lost in the 3rd round.

P.G.A.

Briny Baird leads the Zurich Classic of New Orleans. (2 weeks til' the Masters) Baird holds a single shot lead over Peter Lonard and Jay Williamson. (2 weeks til' the Masters) Tommy Armour III, IV, and V, defending champ Nick Watney, and Shigeki Maruyama were knotted in a tie, two strokes off the lead. (2 weeks til' the Masters) First round leader Dean Wilson stepped on his d&*# with a second round 73, but is only three strokes out. (2 weeks til' the Masters) Notables who missed the cut include Steve Stricker, Chad Campbell, Mike Weir, Jim Furyk, and Davis Love III. If they were using this as a Masters tune up, it didn't work. (2 weeks til' the Masters)

I'll check in on the L.P.G.A. this weekend, but the men may lose me to Beverly Hillbillies reruns.

***average golfer little known golf fact alert***
The L.P.G.A.'s Birdie Kim changed her name to differentiate herself from all of the other Kims on the tour. Her name previously was Bogey Kim.


Til' next,

(2 weeks til' the Masters)

Shhh...... P.G.A. Tour Players at Work.

Find me a word that means more ridiculous than ridiculous. That's the word to describe the crime committed when any sort of noise is created within 500 ft. of a Tour player executing a shot. These guys can hear a fruit fly wearing bunny slippers land on an apple tree three fairways over. Obviously this topic is in the forefront after Tiger Wood's expletive laden rant last weekend because a camera clicked during his "transition". In Woods' defense, he has the largest galleries and therefore a greater chance of an incident like this happening. Still, I think it would bother my swing more knowing that as soon as the ball left my club face some moron in jeans shorts was going to yell "You Da Man !!!". Or my personal favorite from the tee box, "Get In the Hole !!!". I'd like to think that these highly skilled athletes, (weenies), who have hit millions of golf balls, would be immune to a little distraction. Furthermore, I don't recall any of these audio enhanced titans complain about noise after a great shot.

Let's add a little balance to the concept of a highly skilled individual's performance when subject to outside influences. I've thought of a few comparisons.......

1. World-class gymnasts. Through ferocious crowd and music noise, as well as camera flashes, they mange, for the most part, to not fall from 25 ft., land on their noggins and break their necks.

2. Jet fighter pilots. In spite of engine noise, wind, and a constant blabber on their headphones, they protect us from evil operating one of the most complex pieces of machinery known to man.

3. Surgeons. Some prefer music in the operating room. Chatter from the rest of the team, equipment, and monitor squeaks and hums don't prevent them from performing the most delicate of duties.

4. Policemen. Sirens, constant radio squawks, and gunfire are just some of their daily distractions.

5. Construction crews. Jackhammers. Enough said for this dangerous, yet precise profession.

6. Basketball players. Screaming, waving fans behind the backstop better not affect your free throw percentage.

7. Figure skaters. Can't have to be any more precise. All that with booming music, crowd noise and flash bulbs a poppin'.

I can cure any Tour player of their noise tolerance affliction. All they have to do is play with my regular group of average golfers a couple of times. If noise bothers Tiger and his buddies that much, my group would be in his wallet before we made the turn.

Til' next,

White Pants Must Go !

It appears the new fashion trend on the PGA Tour is white trousers. Here's the short list of golfers wearing white slacks during the WGC-CA Championship last week at Doral. Geoff Ogilvy, Adam Scott, (albeit with some kind of checkerboard deal), Louis Oosthuzen, yes that Louis Oosthuzen, Sergio, Rory Sabbatini, Lee Westwood, Paul Casy, Ian Poulter, Luke Donald, and Camilo Villegas, to name a few. White pants get dirty. White pants don't represent any kind of power. But mostly, we know what happens to white pants when they get wet. White pants have to go on the golf course. They're just too weird. White pants serve a purpose in society however, just not in golf. Men's golf. White pants are perfectly OK in ladies golf, when they're wet. To address the travesty I've started G.A.W.P., Golfer's Against White Pants. Send donations in care of the author.

Here's average golfer's definitive list of who can wear white slacks......

1. Nurses
2. Doctors
3. The person that made my doughnut.
4. Lab Techs
5. Veterinarians
6. EMTs
7. Ship Captains, thinkin' Love Boat here.
8. Painters
9. Midshipmen
10. First communion recipients.

Got any to add? Lay 'em on me. *(Photo depicts unacceptable use of white pants) Photo by Malingering.

Til' next,

Geoff Ogilvy - Last Man Standing at WGC-CA Championship

Australian Geoff Ogilvy survived the marathon and captured the 2008 WGC-CA Championship today. This after numerous rain and disappearing sun delays forced the Monday finish. A one under par 71 for Ogilvy was just enough for the victory, but a slim cushion between him and three players that finished a stroke back. They were Retief Goosen, Jim Furyk, and Vijay Singh. They all closed strongly with identical 68s, but fell a shot short. Perhaps the save of Ogilvy's round was a chip in for par on the 13th hole. He pulled a 2-iron badly left. His first chip from the inundated rough didn't reach the green. His second chip was semi -skulled, took a couple of bounces, hit the pin and dropped in. I think he bent the flag stick. Nifty par salvaged from almost certain bogey. This average golfer has that shot in his bag. I play it intentionally, but it's usually for double bogey.

Tiger Woods' streak of five consecutive PGA victories was ended. It could begin anew this afternoon though as the boys jetted back to Orlando for the Tavistock Cup, a neighborhood two day outing between the residents of Lake Nona and Isleworth. Don't ask me for any other details. Both those places sound too rich for my beer wallet. It should be noted though that a large amount of money ends up in charitable hands after this event. The Golf Channel has full coverage, which is better than infomercials. Next up this week is The Zurich Classic of New Orleans with Nick Watney defending. Yes, that Nick Watney. Will the players have to stay in trailers?

Til' next,

2008 WGC-CA Championship - The Tournament That Wouldn't End.

I'm trying really hard to stay interested in this WGC event at Doral. For me it's become longer than 9th grade math. Rain, rain, rain, dark. What's next, locusts? The last tournament to be canceled by locusts was the 1976 Biblical Open in Tel Aviv. As I recall, the water hazards posed little difficulty, but the bunkers were bastards.

Geoff Ogilvy leads this thing at -17 through 9 holes. Two back are The Big Fijian and always spunky Jim Furyk. There's seven other players within 5 shots of the lead including Eldrick T. Woods. They plan on unraveling this baby starting at 8:30 AM tomorrow morning. Hopefully the weather cooperates and I can write about something else. I'm thinking dessert recipes would be a nice change of pace. Or doilies.

We Have A Winner!

Greg Kraft finished at 14 under par to win the PGA Tour's inaugural Puerto Rico Open held at Coco Beach Golf & Country Club. He edged Jerry Kelly and Bo Van Pelt by a single stroke in an event not marred by weather or darkness. It's a Fedex Cup event and gained Kraft a two year tour exemption. Kraft earned $630,000.00 for his efforts. Van Pelt had led after each of the first three rounds. Congratulations Greg.

I'll be working when they finish with the Blue Monster. Will someone else please step up and update this thing?

Til' next,