Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Golf Headlines For 2009.

Anyone and everyone is rehashing the year of golf in 2008. Lists and top ten moments are as affordable as GM stock. You don't have to be Nostradamus to peek into the past. Predictions are where it's at. Average Golfer reveals 2009's biggest headlines, right here, right now.

  • Wie Wins a Tournament - I don't know which one, but a refocused Michelle will win at least one. Too much game not to break in her finally legitimate pro career in proper fashion.
  • Monty Hatches Senior Women's Tour - In full Mrs. Doubtfire regalia, Colin Montgomerie forms a senior women's golf tour announcing, "This is where I've really belonged all along".
  • Daly Makes a Cut - After hightailing it to the European Tour, John Daly will make at least one cut while serving his 6 month PGA suspension for being an idiot. Take it to the bank.
  • Tiger Woods Wins Another Major - Best bet, the Masters or the US Open at Bethpage Black. Expect Woods to come back stronger than Boo Weekly's drawl. Or is that drool?
  • Finchem Elected International Czar of Golf - Or Tsar if you prefer. The current PGA commish has the only tour with sponsors and purses close to 2008 levels. Expect him to further pursue golf in the Olympics, but with the caveat that each country only have one player.
  • Titleist Trumps Callaway With Square Ball - Whouda' thunk? Rather than contest the ruling on the ProV1, Titleist's R&D department develops a smooth sailing square ball that stops better on greens.
  • Azinger Regains Captaincy in Coup - Stating it's "best for the nation", Zinger wrests the Ryder Cup captaincy from Corey Pavin in a bloodless and swift move. No one seems to have a problem with the act, so it stays.
  • Annika Returns - After conceiving and giving birth in a record number of strokes, Annika Sorenstam declares her "family phase" accomplished and returns to the LPGA with a stroller.
  • Weekly Quits Golf - Citing a need for new challenges, Boo Weekly retires from professional golf and forms the WWPST, the World Wide Possum Shooting Tour. He promptly captures their and his first major.
  • Sergio Forms Support Group - Recognizing a need on tour for an outlet for the downtrodden, unfairly screwed, and just generally unlucky, Sergio Garcia heads a traveling support group that meets weekly in a tour sponsored RV.
  • Mickelson Declares Fitness Unhealthy - Longing for a return to his form of yore, Phil Mickelson admits that his foray into fitness was just plain dumb. Phil dismisses 5 trainers and replaces them all with swing coaches.
There you have it. A snoop into the 2009 golf headlines that will be all the buzz in the next year. I know, and you're welcome.

Til' next,

Happiest Average Golfer Wishes For 2009 !


  1. I can hear it now: "My name is Sergio, and I'm a non-major winner."

  2. I think you are right on about Wie, Daly and Woods. Not sure about Monty, but would love to see it. However, my fav is Mr. Weekly heading up the WWPST -- GREAT acronym!

    Happy New Year! Keep it coming.

  3. Well, they weren't exactly going out on a limb predictions.

    Happiest of New Years to you as well!

  4. Dude, that was hilarious 3 years later! HAHA. Is Wie still chasing a W?