Ochoa Wins Kraft Nabisco Championship, Field Withdraws En Masse.

Citing the futility involved in beating Lorena Ochoa in a four day event, the remaining 110 players qualified for the 2008 Kraft Nabisco Championship withdrew after a closed ballot vote. The vote was 109-1, with the dissenter being a long time Kraft endorser. The unnamed Kraft golfer had offered to play Ochoa heads up if she agreed to giving her two strokes per side. Another prominent player said she'd come to the conclusion that Ochoa was just too darned good and playing with her was no fun at all. After getting wind of the offer, L.P.G.A. officials acted swiftly to squash any tournament outside of their rules. One L.P.G.A. official was suspended for placing a sizable wager on Ochoa after hearing of the two stroke offer. Ochoa then offered, in an effort to save the event, to play a match against herself. By playing two balls simultaneously, marked Ball A and Ball B, she could keep separate scores and a winner could be determined.

Tournament officials face more than one conundrum with this unprecedented news. First, where to put the nearly 25,000 spectators that showed up for the event. Acting swiftly, the front nine at Mission Hills Country Club was turned into a tent city. The only concern was for the lack of porta potties. The back nine has been reserved for players wishing to practice for upcoming events they won't be playing in. Second, was the problem of what to do with the tons of Kraft Nabisco products shipped in for the event. There was over two tons of Ritz crackers and Velveeta alone. Fortunately, with a shelf life of 10-12 years, there's plenty of time to solve the dilemma. At the trophy ceremony Ochoa was her usual gracious self. She credited her parents, the immigrant course workers, and the 110 other players who made this victory possible. She said she's looking forward to the rest of the season and what a relief it will be to not have to lug her clubs through airports.

The remaining players clamored for Ochoa's schedule to find tournaments they could play in. That of course ruled out the majors and any other prominent tournament. The dates in Buzzard's Breath, Wyoming, and Puking Mule, Texas are getting the most interest.

So, there you have it. Unprecedented in golf history. A full field withdrawal.

!LOOF LIRPA

Til' next,